Christmas in Mashiko
by embryonic-trite
Summary: A bird sits alone surrounded by the nest. She calls out with a closed beak for her love to fly to her side. But she doesn't know if she is what he wants best. And so she smiled for others to ignore the cries that hide. [ROBRAE xmas one shot]


**Merry holidays, peoples.**

 **I would write more but I've been distracted Like why do they call her Hawkgirl? Why don't they call her "hawkwoman"? Just a penny for my thoughts (my thoughts actually are that cheap).**

 **I wish you all to be happy and healthy.**

* * *

Raven spent most of her post-Titan life in Mashiko, Japan learning about ceramics. She lived in a modern washitsu on a hill, a few blocks away from a potter's studio. Her bath barely fit her, her toilet seat could get too cold in the winter, and her sink never had hot water; that wasn't even half of it. And Raven loved all of it.

This year, the group assigned Raven to host the December party for her friends.

While she loved being with her friends, she didn't necessarily enjoy hosting a party; subconsciously, she hoped moving away would get her out of hosting more parties. Evidently, her new zip code didn't change that.

Everyone was here. Even some of the Justice League members were there (which was actually flattering considering the number of them didn't trust her when they met).

Starfire and her husband were making snowmen––or some kind of Tameranian alien––with their child. Beast Boy and Cyborg were probably making a mess in the potter studio Raven built. Green Arrow and Batman loudly argued over whether or not the archer cheated in their game of Texas Hold 'Em while Black Canary, Superman, Arsenal, and Martian Manhunter tried to keep the peace. The Flash and his date––he invited news reporter Iris West-Allen _for some reason_ ––were on the side sneaking in kisses while they were decorating the tree (the one she had to go out and get just for this party). Wonder Woman, Hawkgirl, and Lois Lane (Superman's "mysterious" date) were trying to set up the White Elephant exchange they were planning to do.

More friends and vigilantes were piling into her small home, but Raven could still point out the one person that wasn't there.

Robin.

Nightwing.

Dick Grayson.

His absence spilled a mixture of emotions for Raven, and she didn't exactly handle emotions very well. So she did what she always did: sat in the corner in silence, giving no emotion away in her face.

"He's probably just a little late."

Raven felt the retired Kid Flash, Wally West, plant himself next to her on the Tatami mats. She was sitting down, hugging her knees to her chest, when she felt his arm slip around her shoulders. Wally was one of the few people that she didn't obliterate when they touched her, and it only took him two and a half years.

"I don't know what you're––"

"Don't even try, Raven," he snickered at her, "I've been his best friend for years so I can tell when someone's upset because of Dick Grayson."

Raven heard through their grapevine that he was planning on coming, but got no confirmation.

She rolled her eyes and removed Wally's arm, "That's preposterous for you to think Richard's punctuality is something I worry about. I don't even know _why_ you'd think that."

He wasn't moved by her subtle insult, "When was the last time you two spoke?"

She closed her eyes, repeating her incantation in her mind a few times (not out of anger at Wally but just out of plain frustration), and said, "About the last time I visited you guys in Jump City."

Wally clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, "You haven't talked since Garth's birthday," he clarified, "or was it Donna graduating from grad school?"

"Flights are pretty expensive nowadays," she said as she played with a loose thread from her argyle sweater.

He muttered under his breath, "Whatever you say," he looked up and studied her detached expression, "What _did_ you say to him, Raven?" He let out an incredulous scoff when she didn't answer him, "The last time you visited was also the last time I saw Dick," he said, "That night, you two were barely. We didn't see you guys for a while and then you both left without saying goodbye."

She bit her inner cheek and continued to avoid his eyes, "I thought it was pretty obvious I'm not one for conversations," she pretended to watch Arsenal cheering at his win against his mentors, the Martian, and a grumbling Dark Knight.

"That's true, but you always talked to Dick," he said, "He's practically your best friend, too."

"Is there a point to this, Wally?"

Wally laughed to himself at how alike the two birds were: they both preferred to get to the point instead of beating around the bush.

"Look, Raven, I don't mean to sound like I'm interrogating you because you're my friend just as much as Dick is," he paused before saying, "all of Dick's lovers usually are."

Barry's mug happened to crack across the room just as Raven grimaced, "I'm not one of Dick's lover."

Wally tried his best not to smirk at Raven––he got the response he was after––and leaned closer so only she could hear, "It was a joke, Raven."

It was not a joke.

"I do not appreciate being played with," she enunciated between her teeth.

He nodded, "You're right, I shouldn't have done that," Wally's apology was sincere, "But you're not denying it."

"Why do you even care?"

"Because you're both my friends," he said, "And I'm not exactly having fun in the middle of you two's palpable _sexual_ tension," he kissed her cheek lightly and stepped up towards Batman and the others, offering to be a part of the next game.

Raven's fist clenched against her knee, and her eyes squeezed shut, as she tried to breathe and not relish in her memory.

* * *

" _So do you plan on ignoring me the whole night?"_

 _Raven pushed the sleeves of her shirt up to her elbows, and then unconsciously pushed them back down. She said, "Richard, I don't know what you're talking about, and we should really be heading back to––"_

 _He scoffed, "Oh, c'mon, Raven. You said it yourself, I know you_ better _than anyone. Stop trying to play me." The former Titan only called him Richard when she didn't want to get to emotionally attached when they were speaking._

 _She bit her upper lip, a nervous tick she didn't remember developing, and nodded at him as a gesture for him to continue speaking._

" _Why haven't you called me?"_

 _Her eyebrows creased, "What does that have to do with––"_

" _It has to do with the fact that I've been worried about you," Dick said, "And the fact that you usually ignore me when you're upset. I don't know why you're upset with me, and I'd like to resolve it."_

 _Now Raven was the one tired of his games, "You don't know why I was upset with you, really?" she nearly laughed at him, "Dick, you beat up some stranger for no good reason."_

 _He let out a puff of air, "Dammit, Rave, he was hitting on you in front of me."_

 _The empath rolled her eyes at him, almost as if it were routine, "That didn't mean you had to hit him."_

 _The two birds stood in silence, not exactly wanting to keep arguing the same thing over and over: Dick would get jealous for no good reason and Raven would get angry at his jealousy/paranoia._

" _We are no longer together, Richard."_

" _I don't remember that."_

 _She glared at him, "We ended things 12 days ago and––"_

" _You ended things, Rave, I didn't have a say."_

" _Stop interrupting me," she heard the door behind her crack, "It doesn't matter who said what, you and I…we…"_

 _He took a step closer––like clockwork, Raven took one back––and said, "You never even told me why."_

" _I thought I made it pretty obvious."_

 _He laughed loudly, "You_ never _make things obvious, Rave."_

 _She exhaled––somewhat conceding to his hidden demand, "I ended things with you because I was unsure of how you felt towards me," admitting that was almost as hard as trying to get out of Mumbo's hat by herself._

 _Dick took one more step forward––Raven would've stepped back had her bones not kissed the door––and offered her one of his hands, "I didn't think I'd given you something to make you_ question _how I feel about you."_

" _It's not… Dick, it wasn't…" she said to the ground, "it's not that simple to explain."_

" _Try," his fingers grazed her temple and fingered a few strands of her hair, "Raven, it's_ me. _You can talk to me," he said as he finally cupped her face._

 _For the first time that night, she looked up into his eyes and studied him. God, those blue eyes might be the death of her._

" _You didn't tell me you were working on your last mission with…with_ her _," Raven said._

 _Dick retracted his hand, almost as if she told him she walked in on Batman and Green Lantern having an afraid, but didn't pull his gaze away from her._

" _Rave, c'mon," he pleaded, "You know it's not like that."_

" _That's the thing, Richard, I don't," she answered honestly. When she noticed the glint of hurt in his dilated pupils, Raven immediately put her hands up, "I'm not blaming you. I just…I can't just sit there and pretend nothing's happening."_

" _But nothing is happening, Rave," he replied._

" _I wish I could believe that," she bit her upper lip again and tried to pull her tears back into her eyes, "Dick, I didn't have to be an empath to know how you felt about her."_

 _He fiddled with his hair, "I promise you, it wasn't––"_

 _For once, she stepped forward and he had to step back, "Can you look me in the eyes and tell me you don't feel anything for her right now?" She felt so guilty boxing him in so tightly. When he didn't answer, she said, "Is she the reason you don't want to tell anybody about us?"_

 _Dick's once confident stance faltered and for once in his life he didn't have the answers. He didn't know what to say; he didn't know if he could say anything to begin with._

" _I_ don't _blame you, Dick," Raven took one of his hands in her own, "I know I shouldn't expect your feelings for_ her _to disappear but… if there's a chance you two could make your own relationship work, if there's a chance you two could share a life together, you need to take it." Maybe some preconscious part of her really was hoping he would say that Raven was the only one for her; Raven refused to be selfish. She refused to put herself first, like her father tended to do._

 _She released his hand, "I want you to be happy, and I don't want to stand in the way of your happiness, Dick, because…" she wanted to say those three words––the ones she'd never said before to anyone––but that would be sending him mixed messages, "Because you deserve it."_

" _Raven, we…"_

" _I'll be okay, Dick," she gave him the best fake smile she could come up with in probably the worst moment of her life, "We_ both _will. Just…" she didn't feel there was anything left she could say, so she quickly kissed his cheek before bolting out of the room._

* * *

She realized she was bleeding because her nails were so deeply embedded into the back of her palm. The smell of rust got to her, so she swiftly rubbed that hand against her jeans and wiped at her eyes with the other hand.

"Raven, look who's here!"

She looked up and saw Garfield, who was covered in clay; Victor, who was covered in snow; and…

Dick was here; he was in her home. He was putting his gift in the white elephant pile. He was hugging the JLA members and the other Titans.

Robin.

Nightwing.

Dick Grayson.

He finished embracing the others when he said, "Happy Holidays, Raven," Dick was smiling and she hadn't seen him smile in months.

He must've finally found happiness.

She rubbed her arm and bit her upper lip, "H-happy holidays, Richard."

He stepped up so he was toe-to-toe with her, she remembered when they used to be the same size and now he was physically overshadowing her; he enveloped her into his arms. When she put her head against his shoulder, some of the snow seeped into her hair.

Dick pulled away––it felt a little reluctant, but Raven thought she was probably reading into it too much, "You look good, Rave."

"That's very sweet of you to say," she said, almost mechanically, "I'm glad you could come tonight."

He took her hand in his and pulled her towards his chest, "Is there somewhere we can talk in private?" He didn't really give her a chance to answer because as soon as he asked, he was already pulling her out to the terrace. Obviously, no one was sane enough to follow them outside.

"My jacket. I need to get my––"

Dick seemed to know what she was going to say, or what excuse she was going to make, and pulled out her own jacket. He wrapped it around her shoulders and smoothed the sleeves against her arms.

"Sorry, Rave," he smirked, "Couldn't exactly give you a reason to try to avoid me, now."

She slipped her arms into her coat, "And why, pray tell, did you want to speak out here?"

He smiled––why was he smiling––and said, "Well we hadn't spoken in a while. If I called, I'd probably meet your voicemail, right?"

"That's not true," she said. And she was telling the truth to an extent: she didn't carry a cellphone and her landline was terrible when seasons changed.

"I thought…I thought about the last time we spoke, Raven," Dick said, "And I have an answer for you."

Raven's eyebrows furrowed, "I wasn't expecting––"

"I know, Rave," he said, "I know. When you told me you thought I still had feelings for _her_ , I didn't know what to think. And you're probably expecting for me to say that there will always be a part of me that'll always be in love with her."

In a brave move, Dick pulled Raven by the waist so she was pressed up against him. She rapidly turned behind her to see if anyone was looking (Tatami wasn't as private as concrete), and the former acrobat didn't seem to care.

"I don't know if it's possible for people to be in love with more than one person. I do know that I'm in love with _you_ ," said Dick, "And I know you love me to, and that you're afraid of me leaving you. It's okay if you never admit it, because I know."

The empath was visibly shaken; she had no choice to rest her hands on his biceps. Raven didn't even know when he suddenly became an expert in her.

"Maybe I do love her, but not in the way you think. I _definitely_ don't love her the way I love you. If I have to tell you every hour for the rest of our lives, I'll do it, Rave. Just stop running away from me."

She looked into his pools of baby blue, "Dick, I don't know what to say. I wish things could be the same."

"I don't have anything against living with you _here_ if that's what you're afraid of, Rave," he said as he stuck his forehead against her own, "I love you. And I want to be with you." He noticed her go silent––apprehensive, so he kissed her temple, and murmured into her hair, "I really hope you don't say 'no'."

She pulled away from him, as much as he would let her, and tried to read his emotions with her powers and with her eyes.

Her gut was telling her he was being sincere.

Raven leaned up on her tiptoes and met his lips with hers, "I believe you. I'm sorry I put you in that position."

Dick moved his hands from her waist and cupped her neck, his nose brushing against her cheekbone, whispering reassurance. He lightly pushed Raven down so she was flat on her feet.

"I want to tell people about us," he said.

The edge of her jaw pointed up in a cute smile, "Dick, I don't care about that. I just thought…" her voice trailed considering they both knew what she was going to finish with.

He shook his head and kissed her forehead again, "That's not really what I meant," he said, "But I can't exactly write emails to everyone," and he stuffed something into Raven's hand.

She didn't even know how to respond to the red and white bag in her hand, "Dick, I didn't get you––"

"When you open your gift," he said with a cheeky grin, "I'm sure you'll come up with some gift ideas. Happy holidays, Raven," he took the bag from her hand and pulled an envelope out of the bag.

One sheet of paper had the following writing:

 **We request that** **Raven Roth** **attend**

 **to the Gotham Courthouse at**

 **11:30 a.m.** **on** **12/27/15**

Underneath the side note was a semi-threatening addition to the formal request, and she recognized it as Damian Wayne's handwriting. The rest were flight and restaurant reservation confirmations.

"Dick, I don't understand what––"

She looked up and saw probably the most clichéd thing she'd ever seen in her life: Dick kneeling on his knees in the ground in front of her. Raven turned around to check if anyone else was seeing what she was––to her surprise, the other superheroes were poorly hiding their attempts to eavesdrop against the Tatami walls. She refocused her attention on the first Robin when she felt his gloved hands on her wrists, pulling her closer.

"Raven, will you please come to Gotham with me so I can finally marry you?"

If her eyes dilated any wider, they'd probably pop out her eyebrows.

"I want to be with you, _forever_ _and longer_. I want to give up being Nightwing, and I want to live here in Japan with you. Or wherever you want to go––but I want you by my side. Say you'll marry me," he teased, but Raven knew better to know that he was slightly terrified, "If you say 'no', I might have to join a monastery until you say 'yes'. And I'll have to––"

She kissed him (ignoring the cracking of the walls behind her) and accidentally pushed him into the snow.

"Yes, Dick Grayson, because…because I love you. And if not that, because I don't think you'd survive in a monastery."

He laughed and said, "Happy Holidays, Raven," before he kissed her to the sounds of superhero vigilantes cheering them on.

* * *

 **So I mentioned Japan because I went a few years ago in February (I was also learning about Japanese pottery) and it was very pretty. I think it would've been really nice during Christmas.**


End file.
